My teaser photos for the Revived Fashion Show. It was a lot of stress trying to get this photo shoot done. I just couldn’t decide on anything.

I almost toss out the green dress because the skirt was not cooperating with me, but the beading was just too precious. It took me two full nights so there was no way I was going to toss it out…

Random thoughts on Memory

November 2, 2012

Random thoughts on Memory…

Sometime last week or the week before, my sister told me that over the weekend, she stopped by the shopping strip where she works and completely forgotten where she parked. It happened to me many times and I have had hundreds of situations where I can’t remember things. For example, people would ask me what I did over the weekend and I’d black out, not remembering what I did, if I went anywhere, bought anything, or ate anything exceptional. I feel like my memory is worse than the norm.

I can’t remember what kind of conversation I had with Tor, but I asked him a question and he replied, “it was when we went back to California”. I thought, when did we visit California last year? So I asked him, “When was that?” He replied, “a few months ago, your mom’s funeral”.  I completely had forgotten that I was in California just a few months ago. I wasn’t surprised that I couldn’t remember, nor was I surprised I couldn’t remember much of the funeral. I can’t even remember which month it was.

My dad’s death was the start of my memory loss. After his funeral, I was struggling in my classes because I can’t remember anything, can’t concentrate, etc. I remember an incident where I was driving my mom somewhere and told her I was having a hard time remembering things. She replied that I was much too young to have memory loss.

I don’t remember much about my dad’s funeral, which is roughly 9 years ago. During my mom’s funeral, I sat next to her and tried to recollect whatever memories I had of my dad’s funeral. I remember singing happy birthday to my older brother on the morning of my dad’s funeral. I remember eating all the time and my clothes didn’t fit anymore. And I remember gathering my 9, 10, and 11 year old brothers to go look at our dad one last time before the casket was closed. I don’t remember how many days it was, where I slept, who was there, who I hung out with, or what I did throughout the funeral.

My sister doesn’t remember that after my mom remarried, I moved back home. I don’t remember much of it either. I remember sewing and looking out the window… I don’t remember which bed I slept in or which bedroom. I don’t remember how my older brother and I got by supporting our 5 younger siblings by only working part time retail jobs, what was our daily routine, what was our normal diet, if we did any family outings, or if I visited often when I first moved to Sacramento.

Here’s what I found online:
“Emotional or psychological trauma can also affect your memory. Memory loss is a natural survival skill and defense mechanism humans develop to protect themselves from psychological damage. Violence, sexual abuse and other emotionally traumatic events can lead to dissociative amnesia, which helps a person cope by allowing them to temporarily forget details of the event. A person will often suppress memories of a traumatic event until they are ready to handle them, which may never occur.”